In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
