nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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