Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
