Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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