i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
