been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
