marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
