It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
