go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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