I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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