I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
