Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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