I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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