life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
