Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
