do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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