i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
