Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
