you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
