New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
