WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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