Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
