Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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