i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's great music for shaving your balls
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
