So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
