Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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