im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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