They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
40s are totally the cure
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
