AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
