I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
