Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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