So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
