I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
