Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
pray to the hookup gods
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
