someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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