Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
