It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
