I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
