Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
