I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
