New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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