Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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