Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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