His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
