I wannas sexs uuuuu
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
