Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
