my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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