Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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