Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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