Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
